A few thoughts on my walk with God considering these 9 years of physical weakness.

First, God is loving and faithful to always provide everything I need. I am learning that our spiritual body is far more important than we would think compared to the physical body. As my spiritual eyes are opening for me to see clearer, I’m increasingly perceiving the value and importance of a soul. “Value” is not calculated by our production or by what we “do” for God. Instead value is determined by what was done for us. Our lives are valuable to Christ because of His great love for us, revealed by His sacrifice on the Cross, because of His love, He gives us the privilege of seeing our worth and the worth and value of others.

For 9 years I was on a mission to find healing. After no real physical changes and intensified demonic attacks of despair, I resolved that it’s okay to die, if God wants me in heaven, then maybe it’s time. But God revealed that I still have value on the earth and questioned why was I believing a lie about my worth. Did I think a purposeful life was only about me and my physical & soul body? I was shown how selfish I had become. I then was shown in my spirit how a person has a profound affect on others, simply by encouraging, praying, smiling, forgiving, being faithful, and most importantly loving one another.

My spirit was greatly revived to know that although I had essentially given up to the Lord to take me, all that he needed to do was point me to Joshua and Elijah to see how God did not allow their circumstances to defeat them. He told Joshua to get up off his face after Joshua thought he would die at the hands of the Amorites (Jos 7:10). And in 1 Kings 19:5, God sent an Angel to tell Elijah to get up and eat after Elijah had fled from Jezebel and retreated to a brook where he laid down and told God he wanted to die. God had brought both these men to a place of desperation which they thought was physical death, but God only wanted them to see that it was their self life that had to die. Jesus can only live through me when I choose to die to my life of self. God desires for us to live in Him through faith because that is where the victory is that overcomes your circumstances (1 Jn 5:4).     

This entry was posted on Monday, May 14th, 2007 at 9:36 am and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.