After my 20 days at the hospital where I was ‘trached’ and put on a ventilator to breathe better; I was sent by transport to Rainier Vista Nursing Home to rehabilitate and also for my family to receive more training on trach care. I was wheeled on a gurney into a room that I was to share with a man that was paralyzed. He was breathing on a vent and it sounded like he was drowning in his mucus congestion. There weren’t any chairs to sleep on that first night so my wife slept on the hard tile floor next to my bed. She was by my side faithfully day and night during this whole ordeal. There are no adequate words to describe how much love I have for her!

 

Our first night at the Nursing Home was filled with constant interruptions every half hour between the nurses, therapists and aides coming in the room to do their necessary care. These demands, in addition to those of our roommate, made for another sleepless night. My wife had a disturbing, fragmented dream and awoke with the beginnings of a bronchial cold. Two nights later I also had a rare nightmarish dream, we were both taken off guard to feel so oppressed and under spiritual attack.

 

God had much He wanted to show me about the needs of other helpless people that may live out many years of their life in this type of institution. These are weak and needy individuals, out of the mainstream of our society; many so severely disabled and compromised that they could never again live independently. People confined to a bed or wheelchair, totally dependent on the mercy of others. God’s love was illustrated as we took notice of the mission of the nursing home staff to meet each resident’s need. I too, was very dependent on having my physical needs attended to and was a recipient of the same diligent care. In my weakened physical body, I struggled to hold on the desire to continue life on this earth, feeling so depleted of strength and will to live, I asked God to take to me to my heavenly home.

 

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

 

I cried out to God in silent prayer, my spiritual eyes began to be enlightened to the things that were most important to God. As I looked around about I saw other men and women that were humbled by life and willing to receive any gift of love that was offered to them. I had many tears of appreciation as I myself experienced great acts of love and kindness so beautifully displayed towards those of us that can not live without it. Day by day I slowly grew a little stronger and resolved to let God just love me in my state of total dependence.

 

The week following my admission to the Nursing Home, they started working with me to use a speaking valve. It had been a month since Mar 21^st that I had not spoken verbally. I already had a system of communication by spelling words with my feet. This was a limited way to express myself, but it was a way for me to let people know what I needed.  The speech therapist worked with me, lowering the ‘cuff’ in my throat so that air could come up so I could speak. The rush of air was hard to tolerate and very uncomfortable causing me to cough to adapt to breathing off the vent. I did make the adjustments within the next few days and spoke with the valve the times when I was off the ventilator. My time off the vent increased from short intervals to hours.

 

In just over a week, my wife, who had been with me day and night, began to get me out of my hospital gown and challenged me to push myself to see what I was capable of doing. I started going to physical therapy, walking short distances down the hall of our unit. By my second weekend at the Nursing Home my wife asked me to walk outside to enjoy the weather, once outside she convinced me that I could walk the length of the building towards the back entrance and I did. We did this several times the following days as weather permitted. Other days, Glennis and I would walk around the four wings of the facility that made a complete square and considered that to be a “lap”.  We stayed in the unit that had ventilator patients, other wings had long term care residents that needed assisted living and had various physical or mental challenges. Doors to the rooms were open as we walked by and privacy was minimal. These dear ones were so vulnerable. Many patients remained outside their rooms, in their chairs as a pastime; they lined the halls or were being pushed down the hallways by the staff to possibly attend an organized activity or a meal. In the center of the square shaped ‘home’ there was a courtyard, there were paths that went around the center pergola. Of all the established perennial flowers and bushes that were planted, only the rhododendrons were in stunning bloom. I sat in the courtyard a few times considering the courtyards of heaven, I envisioned the patients that I saw in their glorified bodies; set free from the disabilities that kept them confined. My thoughts often pictured the freedom and deliverance purchased for us by Jesus.

 

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man
  The things which God has prepared for those who love Him” 1 Cor 2:9

 

One night when Glennis and I were walking around the halls of the nursing home for exercise we heard from the dining hall a beautiful, acapella hymn resonating the corridors. We were drawn to the praise, wanting to connect with the worship. A lady was singing “Blessed Assurance” to her husband. The dining was dimly lit and only the two of them were in the room. From across the room our hearts joined with her song until she concluded all the stanzas. When she was finished, she invited us to come closer to meet them both; Betty and James. James has been a resident for 5 years, he had suffered a stroke, was trached, and in a wheelchair. Betty, his devoted wife comes to visit weekdays after work and on weekends all of these years. We found out that James used to be a pastor and that this couple were amazing believers. I was overcome as she ministered to her husband, her eyes and smile revealed her heart. While we were visiting, I wept because her love was “super” natural and demonstrated Christ love, also reflecting how my wife loves me! We left the dining room encouraged to witness how their trial had not robbed them of their faith but strengthened them in a deeper walk with God.
 

 

 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 at 7:40 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.