I’M ABLE TO TALK AGAIN! The ability of speech opens up so much more expression than I what I have been restricted to. For the last two months, I haven’t been able to speak but have instead been painstakingly spelling letters in the air or on the floor with my foot. This method is difficult for the listener (reader) to discern and understand. It takes a lot of energy from me and a lot of focus from the one I am trying to communicate with. Mostly, my communication has been limited to necessity.

 I have had to keep the cuff on my trach inflated to allow the air volume and support to go directly to my lungs not allowing air to escape through my nose & mouth.  My 25% lung capacity has been compromised with three infections from the colonization of the pseudomonas bacteria during June and most of July.

On July 28^th, my wife prayed before bed that we would be able to lower the cuff that was inflated in my trachea so I could begin speaking again. By lowering the cuff, air can pass from my lungs up through my larynx and upper respiratory so I can talk, smell, sneeze & cough (w/sound), blow my nose, etc. These things I haven’t been able to do while the cuff has been inflated day & night protecting my lungs from aspiration and further infections. During the night, I got an air leak in the cuff resulting in involuntary lowering of the cuff by it deflating itself. This was a fear provoking episode because of all the sputtering and coughing. I was out of breath (on the vent) and didn’t know if I could manage without full support of my lungs which is the primary purpose of keeping the cuff inflated. It was alarming as I gasped for air and tried to work through the adjustments. It took over an hour for my breaths to become regular with the aid of suctioning, use of my cough assist machine, an anxiety pill and the changing of the settings on my vent before things finally settled down so I could have some semblance of sleep. I’m so thankful to God for the way He continually sustains me when my body falters. He lives in me and through me and I depend on Him to keep me going for the work has for me to do. I’m always amazed how He brings me through trials and things are better than I ever thought they could be.

Wow! God answered prayer but not in the way we thought. Our plan would be to slowly work to deflate the cuff but instead within a few hours of going to bed, it involuntarily deflated. The next morning, my wife was able to get me in for an appointment with my ENT Doctor for a replacement trache.  We were ready to try a new Bivona® trache instead of the disposable Shiley® that I had been using (which had caused many problems). I noticed considerable benefits and comfort with the new fit. Since that day I have been talking and can enjoy smelling the flowers on the jasmine vine in our backyard among other things. My heart swells with thanksgiving to have been set free from condition of being ‘mute’. I had been limited to observations but with a deep longing to be engaged with dialogue. Now, let me “speak boldly as I ought to speak” (Eph 6:20b) sharing the Gospel of Good News to those of my generation. David exclaims in Psalm 139:14 that we have been fearfully and wonderfully made, our tongues are part of that design, may my tongue confess the goodness of God and the fruit of my lips give thanks.

“O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth shall show forth Your praise” (Psalm 51:15).

A particular song ministers to me as it replays within my mind… “Amazing Love…how could this be…that you would die for me?”  I wish to glorify the Lord as I lift up my praise in a prayer…

Jesus, thank you!! You are my King!! I am alive and well because your Spirit lives within me. Your amazing love died and rose again for me so that I could be forgiven and live!! You were despised and rejected so that I could be accepted. You bore my sin and sickness; you carried away my sorrow so I would not have to bear the burden of my sin. You were wounded for my transgressions and bruised for my iniquities so that I could be redeemed. By your stripes I have been healed (Is 53:3-5).

As I meditate on the struggles and victories of this life I am becoming more and more convinced that no affliction that I have experienced in this world either came sooner or fell heavier or continued longer than was needful. My hopes are not disappointed, but God is using all things to prepare me for a better eternal reward. Heaven will reveal the benefit and favor of our trials that extend to more people to glorify God. This is not only true for me but is absolutely true for you dear friend as well!

 “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” 2 Cor 4:17

Praise the Lord! God gave me the strength to walk up our sidewalk on the steep hill in front of our house! This literal ‘walk of faith’ was possible because of Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13). At the end of May I was asked what my goals were by one of the several nurses/therapist’s who were working with me for the weeks following my ‘trach’ operation. I told her I wanted to walk up the hill in front of my house by the end of summer. At this time I was pretty weak and not that stable as she watched me walk 10 feet across my bedroom floor. This therapist was so shocked I would make such a statement that she laughed. When she regained her composure she began at square one to remind me that I had “ALS” and that it is a muscle wasting disease. She went on to explain the different muscle involvement in ascending and descending a hill and that it would not be possible for me to walk up a hill.  I just looked at her and smiled, she had no idea were I place my confidence and that with Christ nothing is impossible (Rom 8:11).

 I think when people see me; they are confronted with the physical manifestations of this disease. They do not see my spirit that is hid in Christ. I always tell my wife that my brace and atrophied body is a disguise or costume I wear but who I really am is underneath the costume and are in my spirit. The Spirit of Christ that lives within me gives my body life and imparts to me the eternal truth of the Word of God. This is how I can be strengthened in the “inner man” affecting my will and what I can believe for. My soul not only expresses my personality but is continually being transformed as I grow in the things of God.

 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 2:12).

 Even our Savior was not who he appeared to be. Isaiah 53:2b says that “He (Jesus) had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” I always imagined myself following Him if I lived 2000 years ago but according to this verse I probably would have been like everyone else that was not attracted to him because of His appearance. Jesus didn’t want people following him because of the way he looked, nor for his power or influence; he desired that we would be attracted to His Spirit through the Words that He spoke (Jn 6:63). On one occasion, Jesus took three of his disciples up a mountain where he was transformed before them. Jesus wanted to show them who he really was in his Spirit, the part of Him that was veiled or hidden from natural eyes. When Peter, James and John saw Jesus’ Spirit they were terrified! Their human eyes could not handle being in God’s presence because of the intensity of light Jesus was revealing to them (Mk 9:2-6). In the Garden of Gethsemane, when the a band of men and officers from the chief priests came to apprehend Jesus, they said they were looking for Jesus the Nazarene, when Jesus said “I AM” and they all fell backward (Jn 18:6). At that moment they experienced the power and authority of God’s  revealed nature in His  name. If we only knew that the same power of the Spirit of Christ dwells in us, we would be turning the world upside down and doing great exploits for the Gospel of Good News; just as the 1^st century believers did in Acts 17:6!!

 Every believer has the same opportunity today as Peter, James and John did on the Mount of Transfiguration.  Jesus, who is The WORD, is illuminated in our spirit although hidden from our natural eyes eventually becoming evident in the fruit of our spirit which is manifested in our character. We can begin to know that we are alive for a purpose, uniquely designed by a loving God for a relationship with Him. As we grow in our understanding of Who He is and who we are in His plan, we can have confidence before God and man.

 “Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began” (2 Tim 1:9).

Where is my God, when by sight the things I hoped and believed for by faith seems to have been taken away? The accuser of the brethren whispers to me “God never said you would be healed! God really said you will have a spiritual healing in heaven. You want to go there anyway, so you might as well go now!!” These thoughts are what the enemy of my soul keeps whispering in my ear as I tried to reconcile with the Word of God what has happened to me in the last few months; indeed the last several years! His subtle temptation is to not believe that I heard correctly; to distort the message of God’s personal promise spoken to me for healing. Truth is, God has not changed, and I can believe His promise. Eve heard similar lying words of the devil in the Garden of Eden. “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” Genesis 3:1-5. What Eve heard God say to her was now being challenged. Satan wanted her to believe that God was withholding or taking away something that would make her feel more fulfilled or happy. Eve started feeling insecure about God and his words and replaced Gods words with a different interpretation.

 Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 6:4-10 that in everything we are going through we can rejoice as ministers of God. Jesus tells his disciples the night before His crucifixion in John 16:33 that in the world they will have trials and tribulations but not to worry and to be of good cheer because He has overcome the world. Revelation 12:11 tells us how we overcome the real enemy, Satan, who tries to steal our testimony by destroying our hope and faith.  “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death”. We can rejoice in our tribulations because the Blood of the Lamb of God was shed for our redemption.  We can access His supernatural enabling and equipping power in our trials. Praising the Lord in the face of adversity relates to our trusting in the Lord. A secret place of victory God wants us to find during times of anguish and suffering. This is the place God led me to when I was full of discouragement. Have you ever been in that place? The spot where you know God is your only hope?!

Ps 91:1-4a reads “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.’ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge”

The words in this Psalm came alive for me and renewed my hope from the enemy of pestilence, a colonizing bacterial infection that has been plaguing me in my weakened condition. I found encouragement in this Psalm. God had comfort and protection already prepared; a secret hiding place for me, under His shadow of His wings where I take refuge and find faith rest.

“…knowing that you have a better and an enduring possession for yourselves in heaven. Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise” Heb 10:34a-36

After my 20 days at the hospital where I was ‘trached’ and put on a ventilator to breathe better; I was sent by transport to Rainier Vista Nursing Home to rehabilitate and also for my family to receive more training on trach care. I was wheeled on a gurney into a room that I was to share with a man that was paralyzed. He was breathing on a vent and it sounded like he was drowning in his mucus congestion. There weren’t any chairs to sleep on that first night so my wife slept on the hard tile floor next to my bed. She was by my side faithfully day and night during this whole ordeal. There are no adequate words to describe how much love I have for her!

Our first night at the Nursing Home was filled with constant interruptions every half hour between the nurses, therapists and aides coming in the room to do their necessary care. These demands, in addition to those of our roommate, made for another sleepless night. My wife had a disturbing, fragmented dream and awoke with the beginnings of a bronchial cold. Two nights later I also had a rare nightmarish dream, we were both taken off guard to feel so oppressed and under spiritual attack.

God had much He wanted to show me about the needs of other helpless people that may live out many years of their life in this type of institution. These are weak and needy individuals, out of the mainstream of our society; many so severely disabled and compromised that they could never again live independently. People confined to a bed or wheelchair, totally dependent on the mercy of others. God’s love was illustrated as we took notice of the mission of the nursing home staff to meet each resident’s need. I too, was very dependent on having my physical needs attended to and was a recipient of the same diligent care. In my weakened physical body, I struggled to hold on the desire to continue life on this earth, feeling so depleted of strength and will to live, I asked God to take to me to my heavenly home.

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

I cried out to God in silent prayer, my spiritual eyes began to be enlightened to the things that were most important to God. As I looked around about I saw other men and women that were humbled by life and willing to receive any gift of love that was offered to them. I had many tears of appreciation as I myself experienced great acts of love and kindness so beautifully displayed towards those of us that can not live without it. Day by day I slowly grew a little stronger and resolved to let God just love me in my state of total dependence.

The week following my admission to the Nursing Home, they started working with me to use a speaking valve. It had been a month since Mar 21^st that I had not spoken verbally. I already had a system of communication by spelling words with my feet. This was a limited way to express myself, but it was a way for me to let people know what I needed.  The speech therapist worked with me, lowering the ‘cuff’ in my throat so that air could come up so I could speak. The rush of air was hard to tolerate and very uncomfortable causing me to cough to adapt to breathing off the vent. I did make the adjustments within the next few days and spoke with the valve the times when I was off the ventilator. My time off the vent increased from short intervals to hours.

In just over a week, my wife, who had been with me day and night, began to get me out of my hospital gown and challenged me to push myself to see what I was capable of doing. I started going to physical therapy, walking short distances down the hall of our unit. By my second weekend at the Nursing Home my wife asked me to walk outside to enjoy the weather, once outside she convinced me that I could walk the length of the building towards the back entrance and I did. We did this several times the following days as weather permitted. Other days, Glennis and I would walk around the four wings of the facility that made a complete square and considered that to be a “lap”.  We stayed in the unit that had ventilator patients, other wings had long term care residents that needed assisted living and had various physical or mental challenges. Doors to the rooms were open as we walked by and privacy was minimal. These dear ones were so vulnerable. Many patients remained outside their rooms, in their chairs as a pastime; they lined the halls or were being pushed down the hallways by the staff to possibly attend an organized activity or a meal. In the center of the square shaped ‘home’ there was a courtyard, there were paths that went around the center pergola. Of all the established perennial flowers and bushes that were planted, only the rhododendrons were in stunning bloom. I sat in the courtyard a few times considering the courtyards of heaven, I envisioned the patients that I saw in their glorified bodies; set free from the disabilities that kept them confined. My thoughts often pictured the freedom and deliverance purchased for us by Jesus.

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man
  The things which God has prepared for those who love Him” 1 Cor 2:9

One night when Glennis and I were walking around the halls of the nursing home for exercise we heard from the dining hall a beautiful, acapella hymn resonating the corridors. We were drawn to the praise, wanting to connect with the worship. A lady was singing “Blessed Assurance” to her husband. The dining was dimly lit and only the two of them were in the room. From across the room our hearts joined with her song until she concluded all the stanzas. When she was finished, she invited us to come closer to meet them both; Betty and James. James has been a resident for 5 years, he had suffered a stroke, was trached, and in a wheelchair. Betty, his devoted wife comes to visit weekdays after work and on weekends all of these years. We found out that James used to be a pastor and that this couple were amazing believers. I was overcome as she ministered to her husband, her eyes and smile revealed her heart. While we were visiting, I wept because her love was “super” natural and demonstrated Christ love, also reflecting how my wife loves me! We left the dining room encouraged to witness how their trial had not robbed them of their faith but strengthened them in a deeper walk with God.
 

As many of you may know, I have been seeking God in faith for guidance and His purpose to be done in my life. I did not believe that my work on earth was done, that my purpose was fulfilled; not having the confirmation of  God’s “dying mercies”. My wife and I have encouraged our faith to believe that “all things are possible with God” and that He IS Healing (Yahweh Rapha). What could we receive if only we could believe for it? We set our hearts to believe that God could do a miracle to glorify Himself and increase the faith of many by healing my body of the dehabilitating disease of A.L.S. For over a year we have known that my breath has been extremely compromised and that a tracheostomy was the only medical option, if I wanted to live.  My pulmonologist expressed his responsibility of a “reality check” for continued life on a ventilator stating that 95% of A.L.S patients decline to have this surgery. And for those, there are medications that make patients more comfortable from the air hunger they experience until their bodies finally desist and die. The other factors are; the family’s support and commitment of care giving, the financial burden, the understanding that the disease continues to progress leaving the patient (ie:me) completely paralyzed except for the movement of their eyes. Many times, the family is left with the decision of when it is time to “unplug” the ventilator; therefore sending the loved one onto the next life.

Having this information, combined with the apparent multiple consequential losses of independence, we searched our hearts whether we would regret the choice of a trach. It would be imperative that we perceive God’s will and enablement. Either decision seemed that it would take me drastically in different directions. We had been at this crossroad for some time, concerned with my being completely dependent on mechanical ventilation with the type of “separation tracheostomy” that I was strongly advised to have done. This type of tracheostomy results primarily in the inability to speak but also in non-use of the upper respiratory airway; incapacitating the sense of smell, sneezing or even blowing your’ nose. The other paramount question for us was the practical logistics of being vent-dependent; would I be able to walk if I was attached to a ventilator all the time? What do people do? I still had the ability, albeit unstable, to walk and retain an aspect of my “independence” while being otherwise dependent on everybody else.  Would life be rewarding if I lose these freedoms and my individual expression? Would I be able to serve my God?

My wife and I struggled with wanting to hear God’s will for my (our) future. We couldn’t trust our own hearts from day to day regarding the tracheostomy, despite our inquiry of the Lord to hear from Him, though earnestly reading and hearing the Word of God, prayer, fasting, counsel and thinking with the “mind of Christ”. We tried to discern what may be given as a provision or what was self-preservation or fear on our part. Again and again in the Word we read of the importance of speaking, we just couldn’t reconcile to take upon ourselves a decision to physically alter my larynx (voice box) although the threat of aspiration was of primary concern.  (Praise God this wasn’t His intention for me either!) We wanted to make sure our ears were open to hear His leading. So we essentially just “stood still” for dread of choosing our own way. We vacillated back and forth; finally, I prayed that the Lord would make the choice for me.

Wednesday, Mar 18^th I awoke from a dream where I had seen Jesus through the window where I sit daily. He was standing about 30’ from me, smiling, on the other side of the fence by my car. His expression was happy and loving, he said to me, “Follow me” then he turned away as if he were going somewhere and he said “let’s go…” That was it, but I was encouraged as I told my wife and thought more about it. Where were we be going? I entertained the many places and turning points this could represent. It was mysterious to me but I was glad for the encouragement. That Friday, March 20^th, my wife also had a special impartation from the Lord. In the morning she had overslept and was pre-occupied in getting our daughter up and off to school. Her mind was completely thinking on the things she needed to prepare. As she arose from bed she was surprised to hear a voice well up from within her saying “…I have prayed for you that your faith fail not”. After Kylee got off to school, Glennis looked up the verse found in Luke 22:32. This passage is where Jesus predicts Peter’s denial; He begins in verse 31 “Simon, Simon! Indeed Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. Vs. 32 But I HAVE PRAYED FOR YOU THAT YOUR FAITH SHOULD NOT FAIL; and when you have returned to me, strengthen your brethren”.  (NKJV)

Glennis and I did not know that the following morning we would begin our journey into the unknown. God had lovingly prepared us and given each of us a personal word of exhortation.  “To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” (John 10:3)  It was time, things were prepared, His grace was extended, He strengthened our hearts.

I’ve written everything above to describe the paralyzation in the fear of the unknown versus trusting God in new and greater degrees. We have been on a journey that began when I was brought to the emergency room Saturday, Mar 21^st because of a probable viral cold causing a mucous cast within my windpipe that impeding breath to reach my lungs. I remained on my Bi-pap for the following 12 days & nights and was also treated for pneumonia. April 1^st, I had a standard (not “separation”) tracheostomy surgery. We stayed in the hospital for 20 days then were transferred to a nursing home for another 20 days. On the 40^th day (April 29^th) we returned to our home. I would like to take more time to expound on the many ways that God was with us in all that we experienced since the beginning of Spring. I hope to write at least three different segments following this posting to share with you how God carried us through the valley of the shadow of death.

Surely goodness and mercy have followed me, and God has had His covering over us during these Death Valley days. I boast in the Lord that nothing was insurmountable as what we thought or imagined. God’s will for me became very clear in the days before my surgery. We did still hold out hope, however, for God to miraculously intervene at anytime up until the incision. I’m currently back in the comfort of my home with my family, I mostly use the ventilator at night, I have regained my ability to walk independently and I have my voice to PRAISE THE LORD!

We wish to thank the many who have prayed, visited, called, written, inquired and expressed love and concern. Although we may not have had the opportunity to personally express our appreciation, we are convinced that your loving support upheld us. We are also so very thankful for those at the hospital and nursing home who served us with their hearts. As recipients of their specialized care we are eternally grateful, may God reward your service and bless you in return.

 Over the last few months I have wrestled in prayer with a weighty decision, “should I have a tracheotomy and put on a ventilator to have my breathing done by a machine?” or “Should I refuse to be ‘trached’ and risk dying by respiratory failure or pneumonia?”  My breathing had gotten so bad that without my bi-pap machine (external ventilator) I was gasping for breath, I felt like I was suffocating; involuntarily my body would go into a panic. This was very frightening, when trying to draw a breath I couldn’t get enough air. I had to again go to the emergency room; I received more antibiotics, of which my body is becoming resistant to.  We then went to our pulmonologist at the University of Washington; he made it clear that to go forward with a life dependant on ventilation still does not cure the progressive wasting of the ALS disease, the lungs continue to be mechanically supported while the body becomes paralyzed throughout. He also advised me that if I still chose to go forward with the tracheotomy, we need to do it urgently or if I was to refuse the trach there are ways to manage the air hunger through medications until my ultimate demise. We have since have had another consultation with the surgeon at the UW who would do the operation; we had this same conversation last April.  We have also gone to a private practice pulmonologist in our town. I have begun my fourth antibiotic within six weeks since having discharged from the ER in January.

We have been searching, seeking, asking, praying, meditating and fasting what would best glorify the Lord in our life (my wife & I) with what we had been entrusted.  Different days, our viewpoint has swung completely from the previous day. We have come to an understanding that ours is an individual decision, that God doesn’t condemn us either way. Although we believe our decisions may limit His best for us. We have sensed His love and know that He is with us. We could debate the benefit or detriment of either direction and don’t care to presume our eventual course of action to be right for anyone else. God must give us faith either way; we just don’t like the presented “choices”. The options given to me just are not what I have always felt in my spirit regarding my receiving a healing from the Lord…that is my true conviction.

During this time in February, the Lord asked me within myself, “was I following him or the miracle?” If the miracle didn’t happen would I still follow Jesus? “YES” I said in my heart …….but the enemy, projecting fear whispered “NO” in my ear, “you’ll die without a trach”. It hit me… will I really count my life lost to find it? Am I willing to risk death to be utterly dependant on Jesus? These are the kind of questions that have been prompted by the Holy Spirit within me and questions I ask myself.

I have also considered the great multitude of followers that were with Jesus after the miracle of 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes (Jn 6;9-10). Christ’s miracle drew many after him that were not in fact drawn to him. They were attracted, curious and satisfied by the miracle but their consciences were not convinced by the power of it. Jesus said in John 6:26  “Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled”. They were self seeking. Multitudes of disciples only followed Jesus because He filled their bellies with bread. When Jesus said He was the bread of life and no man can follow Him unless they eat his flesh and drink his blood (Jn 6:53-56), many of these ‘curiosity’ seekers no longer continued to follow Him. I ask myself many times “have I been changed into a follower of Christ during this illness or am I just a miracle seeker?”

Jesus asked his 12 disciples this same question put another way. “Will you also turn back?” Peter responded; “‘Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.”
 
My heart cries out with Peter, “Where else can I go? What else can I believe? Who else has the words of life?”  I cannot listen to words of death that keep hunting me, Waiting to devour me like a hungry lion stalking helpless prey. I must continue to believe in Jesus the healer whose name is called YAHWEH RAPHA ; The Lord who Heals (Mt 8:16, 17). I do not sense God’s ‘dying mercies’ nor do I sense that I have fulfilled my life’s mission. I strongly believe Jesus has healed my inner man and it will be manifest. He has a future plan; I must be strong in my direction of faith risking apparent death or choose to be tied to a machine the rest of my days with no medical guarantees of a cure, for years to come.                                                                                           

I urgently needed to hear a word from the Lord concerning my decisions. I awoke one morning in March with the story of Paul being struck with blindness and asking the Lord what he was to do (Acts 9:6), The Lord had given a word to Ananias to go lay hands on Paul for Paul was to be healed for a future work. I considered if the Lord would send someone with a specific word for me. I asked Jesus to speak to me by the upcoming weekend of March 7 & 8 and give instruction. I felt assured that a visitor would come or someone would have a specific word for me by Sunday, March 8th, I confessed this to my family the preceding week. Well, no one came by our house and no word came……I thought… until Tuesday, the 10^th, when I received an e-mail from Ken and Celeste Dewey from Out of the Desert Ministries in New Mexico. Pastor Ken wrote:

 “…At Church on the 8th we prayed for you just like I said, but I did not tell you that the Lord moved me [unknowing why] to prayer for you. It came upon me as urgency and I called a prayer meeting before the Church, and even before we began to sing. All I can say is I FELT the URGENT NEED TO PRAY FOR YOU. This is not our normal way of doing things. We pray for people, but this time it was different. I felt a spirit of intercession come upon me and I began to weep before the Church. It was so noticeable. I did begin to feel and experience the tangible presence of the Lord.”

Pastor Dewey had his whole church pray and asked the Lord to give them a word for me on Sunday, March 8th. Wow, I’m overwhelmed by God’s care for his children that when they seek Him, knocking on His door He will open it. Ken also shared that:

” I want you to know that the response you sent is a confirmation as to the fact that God has answered your questions about what to do about the “trach” (breathing machine). I believe that whatever you do about the machine….God has healed you, and if you put it on….than you will find you do not need it.

Even as I opened the eyes of the blind man in John 9:1-38, I will raise you up SCOTT BRODIE. The blind man was blind for a reason and his healing remained ineffective until the proper time, for he was reserved and waiting till the day I came by and opened his eyes.”

I praise God for the Body of Christ and for individuals such as Pastor Ken and others who are obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have never met this man and have only exchanged a few e-mails previously. These words and the rest of his letter were confirmation of God’s personal word to me and a word of encouragement. I was strengthened to stay the course and not to deviate from what I had already sensed from the Lord.

We had a very special celebration February 19^th.  Scott had his 50^th Birthday…what a milestone. A HALF CENTURY!  I remember his 40^th Birthday he was told he would never see, we had a big party then too! Well, Scott keeps defying the odds because of his faith in the Living God who sustains him. We thank you all for your prayers and support; they strengthen and encourage us greatly.

We decided to have a birthday open house, so people came from 3-9 pm to celebrate with us. Our theme was a fiesta party to complement Scott’s vision and desire for the southwest. Many friends stopped by and we shared some laughs, some fun and some food. As a special highlight, Scott’s dad and sister made a suprise visit from Wisconsin. We all ate Scott’s birthday cake even though he couldn’t, he didn’t mind, he enjoyed everyone having fun and he felt especially blessed. Here are some pictures of this year’s birthday festivities.

“Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.” Luke 6:21

  While visiting Arizona in March of 1998, Jesus appeared to me in a vision one night. He told me that my healing had already begun and asked me three separate times where I would like to serve Him; hesitantly I said Phoenix, Arizona. This vision greatly encouraged me and I set out immediately in my own strength, to fulfill how I was to share the Gospel in Arizona with a healthy body. The following years I would seek out any alternative & conventional healing that was promising. After all, God had assured me I would be healed and serving Him in Arizona. This interaction I had with my Lord has made a lasting impression on my soul. It has continued to inspire me with a future hope and purpose for my life. Countless times I have been brought back to the love that washed over me. It seemed like no one could believe that God personally visited me and that I could be healed but God has always reassured me that my healing had already begun and to not walk by sight but by faith in Him. Jesus is empathic with each of our needs and identifies with our sorrow and pain. Just as He continues to meet me in the desperate times of my life, He wants to meet you in your hour of need and give you hope in His Word that has keeping power.            

(Both pictures were taking during the same week in Arizona)

 How many times in our lives will we have a major life changing decision confronting us? I expect many. Who do we turn to help guide us through these difficult waters? Our family, advice from a friend, Pastors, medical authorities or other professionals, they all help us in making up our minds based on the information we’ve gathered. Perhaps our ‘circumstances dictate’ our course. Although these may be typical and some admirable sources for helping us make decisions; how many of us will pray and wait on God for His guidance? Where does His guidance through His Word speaking to our hearts fit in amongst our criterion for decision making? Sometimes, it may seem that we need to take action and “do something”, react, be spontaneous, (ie: be “on the ball”, have your “finger on the pulse”.” We all have a strong, natural inclination to take things into our own hands. How many times have we done this only to later reconsider that our decision was made in haste? We don’t foresee how the impact of one decision will beget more difficult decisions and consequences. God will weigh in His counsel if we will hear His still, small voice. His ways are not our ways and many times He leads us in directions that have nothing to do with our rational or sensible logic for making choices. We need to set our hearts to wait on God; to esteem His life with our own, bearing in mind that many other people are affected by our lives. By honoring God as best as we can, we can be individuals cooperating with God’s will being done.  

 ^“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace“.                                                                          Romans 8:5-6

In the advice of our elders and those who have walked closely with God, we recognize temperance and wisdom. By their life’s experience they have grown in understanding. We do well to regard their testimony. A mature person demonstrates good judgment; they have insight and are our examples. We also, are maturing in our relationship with God; growing in understanding and resting in His love. We can trust Him, He cares for us, the Holy Spirit sought us out when we were walking contrary to God, how much more can He work in our lives when our ears are inclined? God desires an intimate relationship with us, He calls us His friends (Jn 15;13-14). How it pleases the Father to have a two way conversation with us.

In Luke 8:43-48 there was a woman that had an issue of blood (or an incurable disease) for 12 years. Year after year for those 12 years she sought God for healing but her condition only worsened. She searched out the aid of physicians; these physicians could not heal her and only left her broke and still desperate. Can you imagine the heartache and the pain she must have suffered after every unsuccessful remedy? Yet she persevered not to lose hope or give up under these overwhelming feelings of despair. Why? Because she knew God would be gracious to heal her, she went to great lengths to pursue the Master. This desperate woman would have had to have great faith to go out in public being “unclean” according to Jewish law. Crawling on her hands and knees and pushing her way through the crowd she found Jesus and touched the hem of his garment. Imagine the burning desire within her to seek the Lord for healing despite 12 years of worsening health.

When Jesus came to her town on that certain day, she drew healing virtue from Him. He realized it immediately and sought after who it was. He commended the woman by stating that her faith had made her whole. This woman had made a decision to believe God by faith and acted on it by stepping into the crowded streets to find Jesus. Through the 12 year trial, her prayers of healing had not manifested but there was a “certain” day (Lk 8:22) when her world changed. She did not give up and get bitter because of delay in her prayer. No, this would be the day God would answer her request of healing, immediately making her whole.

I find it notable that Jesus never admonished her for seeking healing from physicians. His only comment was “Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace (Lk 8:48). Could it be possible that for all those years she waited on God, the failed medical intervention during that time only strengthen her faith to believe God for a miracle? The physicians could not help her but her loving Father could.

Be assured my friend, God is not delaying answering your prayers although they may have been hindered for some unforeseen reason. He knows the right time to make the blessing especially precious for you and to bring glory to His name. Be encouraged! I’ve been thinking about this woman and how she continued to believe God, she is an inspiration to me of persevering faith, she was bold to receive her healing by acting on what she believed.

God desires that we know Him so intimately that we can trust Him for our every need. When we put our confidence in Him we will have the patience we need to wait on Him for an answer, as we have read in the account of the woman with an issue of blood. Oftentimes, we lack patience making snap decisions that we regret later. When we take the time to yield ourselves by waiting on God, He will reveal Himself to us in glorious ways.