I have been feeling more and more detached from this earthly life.

 “..confessed they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth” Heb 11:13;

“If you call on the Father, who without respect to persons, judgeth according to each mans work, pass the time of your SOJOURNING here in fear” 1 Pet 1:17.  

My home is not in Puyallup, WA or anywhere else on the earth, (“For here we have no continuing city, but seek one to come” Heb 13:14.)  I am finding more pleasure talking with God and fellow-shipping in His Word with Him as a son, than partaking in daily activities in this life. The cares of this world and the desires for things in this world pale to the fulfillment I have exploring the Word of God,

“..The cares of this world, and deceitfulness of riches and lusts thereof, choke the word and it becomes unfruitful” Mk 4:19; 

“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as STRANGERS and PILGRIMS to abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” 1 Pt 2:11.

Often times, I identify with the apostle Paul in 2 Cor 5, when he refers the physical body to a tent, groaning and yearning to have it replaced with a heavenly garment and also saying he would rather be absent from the body so he could be present with the Lord. I also know that I am Christ’s ambassador to my generation and I cannot quit or give up while I am here. I am here for a reason and must finish my race. One day I will be held to account for my time here. So even though I would rather be with Him, He motivates and strengthens me daily with His love, faith, and grace to keep going. He gives me courage to compel others to be reconciled to Christ.

I have been meditating on Christ’s suffering for my personal sin. The thought of my Savior suffering and paying the penalty of death for me, is overwhelming. Not only every sin I would ever commit, but every sin that all of humanity would commit, He personally suffered and paid for so that I would not have to!

“Surely He has borne our grieves (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy]But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole. All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord has made to light upon Him the guilt and iniquity of us all” (Is 53:4-6).

February 6, 2007

Glennis read to me the 39^th Psalm this morning. It really ministered to me and I felt David was describing my life exactly.

“Make me to know my end, and to appreciate the measure of my days…. Let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here] Behold, you have made my days as short as handbreaths, and my lifetime is as nothing in your sight…..Surely every man walks to and fro like a shadow in a pantomime….. I am silent I open not my mouth for you have done it. Remove your stroke away from me, I am consumed by the blow of your hand…. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry, hold not thy peace at my tears, for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were. O spare me, that I may recover my strength, before I depart and am no more” (Ps 39).  

When I go on outings, around the hurriedness and activities of this world, I feel like a sojourner or citizen of another kingdom. My tongue is silent, my life is fragile, I have no strength, my body is like a shadow of what it was, and my days on earth are ever before me. My cries and petitions are similar to King David’s when he asks God to spare him that he may recover his strength.

This morning I was meditating on Isaiah 36-39. A few things jumped out at me. First, I have often identified with Hezekiah and the overwhelming obstacles he faced. When he was king of Judah; the king of Assyria with his great army, destroyed and laid waste every city and nation in its path, on its way to Jerusalem. The king of Assyria sent his messenger Rabshakeh, to Hezekiah, threatening that Jerusalem would be delivered and be destroyed by the Assyrian army, just like every other city and nation was, unless Hezekiah surrendered. But Hezekiah sought God for deliverance and said, Is 37:18-20 “of a truth, Lord, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their countries, and have cast their gods into the fire…..Now, therefore O Lord our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know, that Thou art the Lord, even Thou only.” Hezekiah stated a lesser truth by not denying and validating the destruction the Assyrian army had performed by sight. But he also stated in the same sentence a higher truth when he prayed that God would save Jerusalem from the Assyrians and all the nations of the earth would know the One true God. In Is 37:36 an Angel of the Lord slew 185,000 Assyrian soldiers, and the Assyrian king departed for his own country and was slain there. In application, A.L.S is indeed a fatal deadly disease with a history of death and destruction associated with its name. But my God has conquered death and risen from the grave, and by His stripes I have been healed!!  No weapon formed against me shall prosper. This disease is not unto death but for the Glory of God (Jn 11:4).

Mom, You have always been to me an example of determination and strength of character. You have been a hero to me, inspiring me with tenacity for life!  

When I was young I wasn’t aware of all the selfless acts you made for our family; supporting and partnering with your husband, having five crazy kids, each accompanied with a sports schedule, caring for us when we were sick or hurt, and managing all the details of your household, In addition to all this; working and coaching full-time! 

You have sown many tears of concern for your children as we have walked through life, guiding us with your loving and expeditious counsel. Now you’re seeing all things clearly, from an eternal perspective. And with boldness you will be able to go to the Lord for our sakes and from this we can draw much assurance and strength for our life’s journey.

I see you in my dreams as a coach with a whistle around your neck, wearing athletic sweats, standing tall and healthy, next to the one you love. Yes, dad is by your side, with a football in his hand. You were both coaching together again. You and dad were smiling at each other, in anticipation of watching your kids. Dad wanted to run a quarterback drill but he couldn’t find me, so he asked you to blow your whistle.  Hearing you blow your whistle, I was reminded of that sound I had heard before. As a Boy, Jeff and I would ride our bikes on the streets of Ladysmith during the long summer days. When it was time to come home, you would get your whistle and stand at the front door blowing it as loud as you could. When we heard that distinct sound, we would race our bikes home. 

Mom, Heaven’s trumpets were blowing Sunday, for you to come home. Jesus was standing at the front door of paradise, holding out His hand. The delight you must have experienced upon hearing the gentle tone of His voice saying, “enter into my rest, good and faithful servant.” For it was time for you to rest from your earthly work and to begin your new life in heaven, without any physical limitations or distress. 

When I consider the dedication of your years, it greatly humbles me. You have deeply impacted me and countless other generations through your guidance & instruction. Mom, you will always be with me, holding me by my right hand, guiding me with your loving counsel, and one day I will meet you in glory. Losing you mother is an unspeakable loss, but somehow, HEAVEN will seem all the more personal because you are there….loving us from the courts of Glory.Your Loving Son, Scott 

My dear sweet mother passed away. January 14^th at 7:30 p.m. in Wisconsin. For seven years she valiantly fought the same illness as I have. I am overjoyed that she accepted Christ as her Savior two months prior to her death. Why she had to go at this time I do not know. But she has her complete healing now and is experiencing unimaginable happiness; this thought gives me great peace (Ps. 116:15, 1Cor 2:9). God used a message by Greg Laurie of Calvary Chapel to minister to me, about 1 hour before my mom graduated to heaven. In 1 Kings 17, After Elijah told Ahab there would be a drought in the land, Elijah was told by God to go to the brook Cherith. There he was to drink water from the brook and be fed by ravens for 3 ½ years. God was setting Elijah apart and preparing him for a future ministry. I identified with Elijah in the sense that I feel the reason I’m still here is because God has called me apart from this world to prepare me for a future ministry, and soon I believe, this physical drought shall also be over.

This morning Glennis read Psalms 27 to me. She was especially built up by verses 13 and 14, “I would have fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He will strengthen thy heart, wait I say on the Lord.”

God has given to us a confident expectation in Him fulfilling a promise of healing He made to me in Oct. 1997 with a verse from Nehemiah (2:4). And again in March 1998, in Arizona, where He appeared to me in a vision. As we wait on the Lord, He has been strengthening our hearts or “inner man” This blessing of knowing Christ in our spirit man, can often times only be achieved when our “outer man” is tried or has to go through severe prolonged suffering or tribulation. 

                                   We don’t always realize how attached we are to our physical bodies or this world; until God brings us to a valley of decision. In this valley, we can choose to praise Him and thank Him for the work that He is doing in our lives because of our trials, or we can choose to forfeit any spiritual growth He intended for us, by being unthankful and withholding praise to Him because of our inability to see with “spiritual eyes” God at work in our valley. 

Last night I was either awake or in a dream, I’m not sure. I was in the spirit and saw the devil trying to choke me but with no power. He was agitated and said, “Why are you still here?” and, “why aren’t you dead?” I replied with the verse in Ps 118:17 “I shall live and not die, and declare the works of the Lord.” 

A few days ago Glennis found a couple of videos from 1999 of me sharing the message of hope that God had given me concerning Nehemiah 2:4, where the king asked Nehemiah, “what is it that you ask?” He said he wanted to go to Judah to rebuild the walls of the Temple so that it could restore hope to his fellow Hebrews.

God also asked me in Arizona in 1998, “what is it you ask?” and “where” did I want to go to serve Him. I said I wanted to be healed and to reach thousands and thousands of souls with the message of hope. Upon His insistant questioning I replied to the question of “where” to be Phoenix, Arizona ( I have since always wondered why I stated that particular location). These tapes reaffirmed the same message that I continue to say today. God loves you, has a plan for your life, and despite your circumstances you too can believe God for a promise, a hope and a future. Believing is not always easy and your body can talk your spirit right out of trusting God when you don’t see any evidence of your promise. This is the place where you can grow the most in your spiritual walk with Christ. Satan always will try to rob, steal and destroy you through unbelief, just as he tried to discourage and kill Nehemiah in the Valley of Ono (Neh 6:2).

Since the Fall of 1996, I began to notice subtle changes in my agility and strength. My body continued to grow weaker, especially my right shoulder girdle and fingers. I saw my family Doctor in Aug ‘97 and she suggested I should see nerve specialists since I could have anything ranging from a pinched nerve to A.L.S. I didn’t know what A.L.S. was until one day in September. A nurse showed me a book on diseases and I looked up A.L.S. I had the same symptoms the book outlined and the life span was 2-5 years, with no cure. This horrified and paralyzed me. Waiting patiently on God in desperate prayer, my arm and fingers twitching,   

In Oct. 1997 (before my official diagnosis) on a Sunday morning before Church I opened my Bible and asked God to show me in His Word what He was saying to me in all this uncertainty concerning my health. God had me open to Nehemiah 2 it was there I read where Nehemiah approached the King with a sad countenance because the city of his people lied in waste with the walls torn down. My heart sounded for joy within me when I read verses 4 through 6 where the King asked Nehemiah, “what is it that you ask?” and Nehemiah said, “If it pleases the King and if I have found favor in your sight, I ask to go to Judah and to rebuild it.” The King said, “how long will the journey take and when will you return?” Nehemiah set a time and it pleased the King to send him.

After meditating on this portion of scripture I called Glennis into the living room and read to her Nehemiah 2. I shared with her what God had spoken to me concerning Nehemiah being distraught because of the condition of Jerusalem and it’s torn down walls, then Nehemiah’s encouragement after the King granted his request to rebuild the walls. I said that I believed God was saying to me that He would rebuild the walls in my body and I would no longer have to worry or be sad because I was not soon to die. We then got ready for Church and when we arrived found out we were having a guest speaker from Maine preach. The guest Pastor said that he had prepared a message that morning but the Holy Spirit had directed him to Nehemiah 2 instead. Glennis and I looked at each other in amazement as we tearfully acknowledged how personal God was to us. We received the message in thankfulness and confirmation . Specifically, God had confirmed to me that Sunday morning that I would be healed. A strong faith rose up in my heart that day, because it came from Him and I knew I could trust Him, though my faith in Him was being tested. God was preparing me for the fiery trials that were soon to come.

Today Glennis, Kylee and I are driving down to Portland to watch Jessica play volleyball. Jessica is #7 in the nation for hitting kills per game. At 5’6 she is the shortest outside hitter in the nation at a D1 school. Their school’s announcer calls her “jumping Jessica”.  Well, Jessica’s team won the game, but on the way down I had been coughing up phlegm and either spitting it on a towel in front of me on the floor or Glennis would suction my throat. As I leaned forward to spit, my seat belt began to work the top off of my feeding tube. I didn’t fully realize this until we arrived in Portland. I told Glennis to close it, but by then my shirt and pants were soaked in undigested stomach fluid. I began to freak out after hearing my wife say she forgot my vest, which would have covered most of me. I told her to pull over off an exit and buy me a shirt, but she said that we were already late for the game and pulling over would be crazy, she said we will find something in the car for me to use to cover me. I couldn’t argue she was driving.

After we arrived at PSU she tried to clip a seat cushion on the front of me, it looked like I had a chair glued to my pants. After another 10 minutes of trying to find a solution and me complaining we finally agreed to slip a blanket under my arm as my thumb was in my pocket to hold the blanket from falling. It looked almost normal and covered most of the problem, so it had to work. I walked in the gym behind Glennis as a shield and found a place in the corner to hide. After the game, Jessica gave me a new shirt that she had bought earlier that day. God had already provided a provision for me as I exchanged the old smelly shirt for a brand new one.

“Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and was standing before the Angel.  Then He answered and spoke to those who stood before Him, saying, “Take away the filthy garments from him.” And to him He said, “See, I have removed your iniquity from you, and I will clothe you with rich robes.”’ Zech 3:3-4

After Church today Glennis had to pick up a few groceries at the local grocery store. I stayed in the car because I had alot of mucus in my lungs that needed to be coughed up. At one point, I looked out the windshield and saw a elderly women pushing a cart, she looked confused and searching for her car. I was still waiting for Glennis to finish shopping, but I thought that I would take this opportunity to pray for the elderly women.

As I was praying for the woman, the Spirit impressed to me that she would speak to Glennis and come in our car, and we would find her car in another area. After my prayer, Glennis came out of the store, met up with the lady, and asked me if she could walk with the lady to help find her car. I quickly said,in confidence “ask her to ride in our car and we will drive her to where her car was”. She agreed and we drove right to her car! PTL!! God answers prayer.